The winter holidays are full of wonder and good cheer, but they’re also opportunities for massive amounts of stress. Changing routines, shifting weather, and family gatherings can be sources of tension for anyone, but even more so for people who are neurodivergent or disabled.
In the middle of the holiday rush, it can feel like information is coming at you from every angle: family members want to catch up, dishes clatter in the kitchen, strange and delicious scents fill the air—and we haven’t even started on holiday music when it blasts from grocery store speakers!
With so much in flux, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. However, some people, like those living with certain neurodivergent or cognitive disabilities, experience this overwhelm in a more severe, all-encompassing form called overstimulation or sensory overload. Overstimulation can lead to meltdowns, arguments, tears, and an all-around bad time for everyone, especially the person feeling overloaded.
So how do we manage holiday-specific stimuli?
In this guide, the Ability Central team defines sensory overload and shares common symptoms, plus ten ways to offer support to neurodivergent and disabled loved ones during the holidays.
What is overstimulation?
Have you ever had one of those days that’s so stressful, you thought you might snap if no one turned off that dripping faucet? Overstimulation, also called sensory overload, happens when someone’s brain gets so “overloaded” with information that it stops working the way it should.
Sensory overload occurs when one or more of our senses gets overwhelmed—or in other words, when there are too many things happening at once. Things that can trigger overstimulation or sensory overload include:
Bright or flashing lights
Loud noises
Strong smells
Talking, shouting, or singing, especially from strangers
Strange, unpleasant, or unfamiliar textures
Are neurodivergent people more likely to experience sensory overload during the holidays?
During the holidays, we’re bombarded with even more of these triggers than usual. Anyone can feel overstimulated when faced with chatty relatives and too-loud television, but people who are neurodivergent or have communication disabilities are more likely to feel the negative impacts.
Sensory overload is more likely to happen for people with:
Sensory processing disorders
Autism
Attention disorders like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder
Down syndrome
Mood disorders
Social anxiety
What causes overstimulation during the holidays?
Part of the reason neurodivergent folks are susceptible to overstimulation during the holidays has to do with change. A lot of people who are on the autism spectrum or have a communication disability rely on routine, calm, and familiarity to live life to the fullest. However, the anxiety, stress, and change associated with the holidays can be difficult for anyone to handle.
Here are just a few holiday changes that can trigger sensory overload in neurodivergent or disabled folks:
Bright or flashing lights from holiday decorations, both indoor and outdoor.
Loud music at home and in public spaces, like carolers, specialty church services, or canned music at the grocery store.
New or unfamiliar foods that may set off sensory processing disorders, like sweet potatoes, turkey, or eggnog.
Crowds, even if they know everyone there.
Gift giving, especially if they struggle with social cues. Someone might worry people won’t like their gift, they’ll show the “wrong” reaction when opening presents, or they’ll get overwhelmed by the sound of tearing and crinkling wrapping paper.
Changes to routine, like holiday events, designated family time, or travel.
Changes to social expectations, like being expected to hug relatives or sit at a certain table.
How do I know if someone is overstimulated?
Some signs of sensory overload are subtle, while others—like meltdowns—are more obvious. If you or a loved one are susceptible to overstimulation, keep an eye out for symptoms like:
Anxiety
Closing or darting eyes
Covering the face or ears
Crying
Avoiding certain places, people, or interactions
Heavy breathing or hyperventilation
Bolting, or running away from people or situations
Stimming, like flapping one’s hands or rocking back and forth
“Shutting down” or otherwise being unable to interact or connect with others
Sweating or shaking, especially hands
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, never be afraid to take a moment for yourself during the holidays. If you think a loved one is overstimulated, you can offer them a quiet moment or a private task to work on, something that will take their mind off the sensory overload and give them a few minutes to collect themselves.
10 ways to help a loved one manage overstimulation during the holidays
Make a schedule. This can be a month-long calendar for your full holiday extravaganza, or a quick itinerary for what to expect during dinner at grandma’s. It’s much easier to stay calm and cope with change when you know what changes to expect.
Offer an escape. If you notice a loved one is getting overwhelmed, give them an opportunity to take a break. You can pull them away from a crowd for a one-on-one conversation, ask them to help you with a simple sensory task like washing dishes or setting the table, or simply ask if they want to sit down for a minute. Some people who are neurodivergent worry that asking for a break will be socially unacceptable—offering an escape yourself takes the stress of that decision out of the equation.
Create a code word. Useful for both kids and adults, a code word can be a subtle way to let a loved one know you need a break. (The code word could even be something holiday-themed, like “snowman.”) Besides code words, you can decide meanings ahead of time for simple hand gestures: a thumbs up to say “I’m okay,” or an ASL sign for emotions like “hungry,” “tired,” or “bored.”
Establish a sensory space. If possible, find a quiet space and reserve it for sensory decompression. If time and resources allow, stock the space with comforting, familiar objects, like blankets or stuffed animals. Things like noise-cancelling headphones, soft lighting, and familiar textures can go a long way toward soothing sensory overload.
Check in regularly. It’s always nice to know someone’s got your back. Check in with your loved one when you can, but don’t smother them—there can be too much of a good thing! A quick text, thumbs up, or “How are you?” can be the exact outlet someone needs to acknowledge and address their sensory overload.
Bring a fidget toy. If you’re hosting a holiday event, keep a stack of fidget toys in a closet or drawer somewhere, like fidget spinners, bubble wrap, fidget cubes, or slime. Make sure your neurodivergent loved ones know where they are and that they’re welcome to help themselves.
Lean on the familiar. If you’re traveling across the country for the holidays, what are some familiar objects to bring from home that can ease the transition process? Things like favorite sweaters, a stuffed animal, a particular pillow, or a favorite snack can be a great way to redirect sensory overload into something familiar.
Be a barrier. Many people who are neurodivergent spend a lot of time explaining their neurodivergence. It can be exhausting to have the same, “I’m fine, I just need a minute” conversation with four different family members. When you can, run interference for someone dealing with sensory overload, whether that means blocking their view of a crowd or distracting an over-eager family member while your loved one takes a breather.
Get outside. Sometimes, a change of scenery can snap someone out of the anxiety loop of sensory overload. Fresh air, the sound of running water, or a change in temperature can help someone calm down. (Some people might find these stimuli even more overwhelming, so don’t force your loved one to take a walk with you if it would add to their stress.)
Don’t make a big deal out of it. Finally, if you notice a loved one is overwhelmed, try not to draw attention to it. One of the worst parts of sensory overload is the feeling that something is wrong, and people are noticing. It might sound simpler to shout, “My cousin is experiencing sensory overload! Everyone get out of the way!” But in reality, most people dealing with overstimulation just want a private few minutes to calm themselves down. One of the best ways to support an overstimulated loved one is to let them know the situation is no big deal—you’ve got their back, and you’re ready to head back to the action when they are.
Final takeaways
The holidays are a wonderful time of year, but they can also be chock full of stress. When you know what to look out for, managing triggers and expectations can take away a lot of holiday anxiety. And besides—a few minutes of calm can be the greatest gift you give your loved ones this year!
